Lonely in the city

I have an extremely busy life in London. I’ve secured the dream job and I love what I do and the people I get to meet along the way. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because it seems too good to be true. Don’t get me wrong, it’s damn hard work and involves working extremely long days, but it is amazing.

However… I do still feel lonely. I am constantly surrounded by people. My diary gets booked up day and night with meetings and events – sometimes even 2 months in advance! Yet, I feel alone.

Yesterday was Eid, and because it was mid week, I didn’t really see the point in booking the day off. I wouldn’t be able to go home to see my family because I have to work this weekend, and it wouldn’t be worth a day trip.

It’s a really sad and horrible feeling, when it doesn’t even feel like Eid, but you see the photos and messages everyone is posting and it makes you feel weird because you’re the only person who isn’t celebrating. I came home late and ate dinner on my own – leftover Indian take away. Woohoo. Eid Mubarak to me.

It got me thinking though… when will this loneliness end? Because of the fact that I am so busy all the time, I don’t really get the time to stop and think about this. I am usually too tired to think at all after work. But if I had a partner to come home to, to eat with, to talk to… I would not be feeling the way I am right now.

This topic of finding someone has come up several times recently. It’s made me feel on edge. It’s just such hard work and people keep telling me to sign up to online dating. UGH. It’s such a time consuming activity that it feels like a part-time job! My actual full-time job takes up all the spare time I have, so when would I have time to get another part-time job?

Why is it so hard to meet someone just by coincidence? Why doesn’t that happen anymore? Surely that was the only way people found their partners in the past. So what has significantly changed to make this so much harder?

Quite recently, a family friend’s daughter got married who happens to be my age. This put all my red flags on full alert. Surely this was going to be a trigger that was about to be set off. My parents went to the wedding, so they know this girl is my age. So this could only mean trouble…

But weirdly enough, they didn’t make any comments (not in front of me anyway!). I think the thing that freaked me out is that my siblng who is younger than me basically told me that marriage is something that would ideally be on the cards for them in the next 2 years…

2 YEARS! How am I meant to find the time to look for someone, find a decent guy, get to know them, fall in love, get proposed to, save all the money I have for the wedding… and everything in between? The pressure is on and I feel sick. I want to find someone, but I also want to progress my career and solely focus on work. I really need to sort my life out. HELP ME.

6 thoughts on “Lonely in the city

  1. p says:

    Hi, I have been reading your blog with interest… 25 year old Bengali muslim guy from up North. I really hope you meet someone nice real soon.. You seem like a genuinely down to earth and nice person who has their head screwed on. I also feel for you reading this post… the loneliness bit especially… I can totally sympathise with you there… Everyday feels the same for me.. like there’s a void sometimes.. something important is missing… Feel free to message me for a chat if you need to talk… All the best 🙂

    • Hello, thank you for your comment. Sometimes it’s easy to forget there are many people out there that feel the same way as me, facing the same frustrations. I really appreciate you reaching out – I’m also here if you ever feel like chatting. So, I’m intrigued… are you doing anything about the loneliness in your life?

      • P says:

        Aww you’re most welcome 🙂 I really find your blog quite interesting… I’ve been thinking like you for about 2 years now since I’ve left uni.. I’ll be honest with you.. I was a bit nervous about writing a comment on here. I have been following your blog for a long time… I feel like I now need to speak up about it…

        Tbh… I don’t believe it dating or gf route relationships.. And I haven’t been in a relationship either.. (would you believe that I’m 25!) Now… My views are changing.. I’m now open to the idea of meeting someone for the right reasons (i.e. Get to know for a bit… If we click.. Go down the marriage route)

        Feel free to email me directly.. (if you can’t see it.. Let me know and I’ll send it to you)

  2. Lonely and alone are different concepts. Are you really feeling lonely or alone? Maybe guilty that you are happy by yourself when the social norm dictates otherwise? Happy weekend 😉

    • Thanks for your message Joyce. I feel alone when I get home and have no one to share my life and stories with. I feel lonely during times like specific holidays which revolve around family, and I miss out. So in a way, I do feel both. It’s a choice that I have made in order to live that happy life in London, but every choice has a consequence which sometimes gets me down, but just temporarily. I do feel guilty for seeking out what makes me happy and going against the social norm, but then I have to remind myself how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved, and then my hope is restored again. It’s just hard when there isn’t someone there to reassure you. But hey, I’m a strong independent woman who is living a good life 🙂

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